18 Comments

This resonated SOO much! Growing up (fast lol) in the 80’s and raising my girls in the 90’s....and now at 55, single and on a healing journey, I’m waking to my “damage” and internal dialogue, and working on REPROGRAMMING! I’ve literally been meditating on this over past year! Thank you for your frank and raw honesty! 💚🌎

Expand full comment
Aug 17, 2022Liked by Bridget Phetasy

I had to subscribe to comment on this. (That’s not a problem BTW). Just saying your piece moved me. And resonated like you wouldn’t believe. You are talking about me. Thanks Bridget. I’ve never talked about it bc I was so ashamed of it. So it’s great to hear others talk about it. Cheers. Xx

Expand full comment
Aug 17, 2022Liked by Bridget Phetasy

Thanks Bridget. I will be sharing this with my teenage daughter.

Expand full comment

Brave beautiful essay! I just subscribed.

There is no such thing as casual sex, especially for most women.

Expand full comment
Aug 18, 2022Liked by Bridget Phetasy

Bridget, I just love your unfiltered filter. I am struggling to read the same book. I spent years using men for fucks and having relationships with other women. Too much pain, trauma, and baggage to make it make sense. May God bless you and your sweet family. I'll always be rooting for you all.

Expand full comment
Aug 20, 2022Liked by Bridget Phetasy

Sent from Yahoo Mail on Android

On Fri, Aug 19, 2022 at 10:05 PM, Jan Glaser

<janhglaser@yahoo.com> wrote:

Thank you for your courage and example. There is additional damage to aging sluts and their partners. My wife was a slut...slept with well over 100 men while a waitress at a five star hotel in Russia during the five years following the breakup of the Soviet Union. Wealthy Internationals picked her up constantly and she was flattered and felt the shallow power you describe so well. The difference is in your present lives. My wife became so accustomed to being used and tossed aside that she now hates sex. We are in love, but she cannot rid herself of the past and will never know loving and enriching sex as part of a forever and deep love. I miss that as does she and we always will.

Expand full comment

Amen- been there and came out the other side too. So much unnecessary, self induced pain. Thanks for this thoughtful piece. You are very deserving of your husband and daughter. ❤️

Expand full comment
Aug 19, 2022Liked by Bridget Phetasy

This is a game changer for me!!! I have a 14 year old (going on 20!) foster daughter that just moved in with us a few months ago and I never thought I would ever have to think about this subject ever again but here it is slapping me right in the face. This kid is from the streets and already highly sexualized just by the music she listens to I can tell it's a constant onslaught of bad messages like it's not important to have self respect (not sure how much she's experienced yet but I'm sure more than she should have) but with articles and shows like this (god-willing) I will help her avoid the pitfalls and downright evils that await her fully developed body - yet young undeveloped mind!!! Thanks, keep up the good work, ladies!!!

Expand full comment
Aug 26, 2022Liked by Bridget Phetasy

I could have written this piece. Growing up Catholic in the 80s, it feels like we lived the same life. I too was using sex to fill a void. I too had low self esteem and no respect for myself. I too am now finally in a wonderful relationship with a man who respects me regardless. Thank you for speaking this truth out loud!

Expand full comment

Excellent article. It sparked a thought that has been swimming around in the back of my thoughts for a long time. The concept of "filling a hole" and sense of "shame" have long been connected, but I think the sexual liberation movement inverted the connection.

Growing up Catholic myself, and then drifting away from the church while carrying a disdain for "shame". I did everything in my power for years to revel in debasing myself. I learned the hard way that while the Church was ham fisted, they really did have a point.

It's as if our ancestors really did know a thing or two about living.

The thought I was having is that we all, deep down, value ourselves more than we know. It manifests itself as shame and guilt and emptiness when we act against our our best interests. Our soul, or whatever term you feel more comfortable with, never loses its sense of self worth. We know it's there, and we know it knows it is worth protecting because it tells us, repoeatedly, to be mindful of it through this sense of shame.

Expand full comment
Aug 31, 2022Liked by Bridget Phetasy

subscribed due to this essay - not even that I agree or disagree but it is so clear and honest and real. I feel like Bridget's writings and podcasting has become more focused and powerful of late. Thanks.

Expand full comment

Hi Bridget! Wow. Wow wow wow. You nailed the emotional core of this experience. I just finished your excellent interview with Joe Rogan. That led me to here. I’m 12 years sober myself. Good stuff. Though I’m a straight man, I totally relate to your essay: Yes, I had a lot of drunken meaningless sex, and yes, it was pleasurable and yet empty. As a former alcoholic asshole, I WAS one of the guys you write about, sadly. I remember that broken look in women’s eyes, that sort of animal desire for sex as a way to prevent authentic intimacy. Now I’m almost forty and in love and sober and it’s phenomenal. I’m so glad we’re on the other side of the chaos.

By the way I just posted about the latest Joe Rogan interview with Matt Walsh. Anyway: Thank you again for your courage and vulnerability. With sexual liberation comes other sideways consequences. It’s never that simple. Our binary media desperately wants it to be. But as your essay suggests, it’s not.

Michael Mohr

‘Sincere American Writing’

https://michaelmohr.substack.com/

Expand full comment

Powerful and well written piece. Thank you for sharing this with the world.

Expand full comment

So much about this resonates. Thank you!

Expand full comment
deletedAug 20, 2022·edited Aug 21, 2022Liked by Bridget Phetasy
Comment deleted
Expand full comment