I can really relate to this letter, and it deeply touched me. I've got to the point where I now avoid discussing politics, something I used to love doing, but which is now a minefield! Whether it's about Brexit, Donald Trump, immigration, trans rights or even Harry and Meghan, every point of view you express puts you firmly in 2 camps (good/woke/enlightened person versus bad/bigoted/unenlightened person) I'm from the U.K originally, and I find it really disheartening to hear friends say they no longer speak to people who voted Brexit, for example. It was never like this in the past. People had their own political opinions (not usually aired) but it didn't matter whether you were on the left or the right, you could still get on and generally not be hated for it. Now your whole identity and moral fibre seems to be based on what you think about Donald Trump, trans women in sport, or JK Rowling. There is no nuance, either, and you're forced to pick a side. I've never known such polarisation and it makes me feel sad and hopeless, at times.
Hi Mel! I live in Hungary now, and was living there during the whole Brexit period, too. Actually, I was visiting the UK with my family when the vote took place and still remember the collective shock from everyone. Until then, I'd never thought about what it meant to be part of the EU and why people had voted to leave, so I started doing some research. After a while, I started to understand why people had become so disillusioned with the EU. What was shocking to me was just how nasty remainers become to leavers. I have friends in both camps, but the remainers showed a lot of contempt and snobbery to those who had voted for Brexit. Even the MSM clearly took a side, so it's hard to get to the bottom of things.
Hungary? That must be lovely! Yes, I agree with you - the nicer insults were 'they were lied to, and believe what was written on the side of the bus', but definitely a lot of snobbery. Actually, I was in China at the time - the UK made it (and still does) very difficult to move back to the country with a non-EU spouse (my husband is American). I worked with a few Brits then, but was the only one who voted, yet they were devastated by the result at the time. I do have some sympathy for Remainers (or at least until they start insulting me - ha!). In all honesty, I think many have had no meaningful interactions with anyone who voted Brexit. We are all caricatures. The conversations I've managed to have with people, where I have said I voted Leave, have generally been met with surprise, but when I've state why, people have been relatively open minded (at least to my face).
Wow, sounds like you've also travelled a bit! I totally agree, Mel, I heard many remainers making those claims about leavers, yet I remember reading comments from remainers, things like 'I voted remain, because the Daily Mirror told me to (this was in the Daily Mirror!) Or 'I voted remain because my son told me to' There was so much hypocrisy. I think remainers were genuinely unaware of how unhappy many people had become, some of them were just living in a bubble.
“I guess I just think about issues from several angles and all the angles feel like they’re sharp points aimed at me and others right now. When I speak I feel like I’m coming from a place of extreme sadness and defensiveness and I don’t like that about myself.”
This hits hard. I personally lean left on some issues and right on others, and like to think about issues independently of the major political parties and let the chips fall where they may. There’s definitely more Americans who feel this way then would openly admit to it, but you wouldn’t know that from the state of our political discourse. Political polarization is definitely one of the most underrated issues with the country right now. A wise man once said-
“What we have to realize is that we’re Americans, y’know, we’re deeply selfish monsters that have been bred to destroy all life on earth. We have to not lose sight of that message” - Tim Dillon
Thanks for your work. Thanks also for posting this letter and thanks to the writer for sharing. This is hard stuff. For her and others in similar situations, I’d encourage them to take a look at Braver Angels (www.braverangels.org), a grassroots movement 50,000+ strong dedicated to depolarizing our country and ending the division and toxicity that are tearing apart relationships and communities across the country. Braver Angels brings together people of different backgrounds and political perspectives to have respectful conversations that help participants understand one another better, see the humanity in each other, and find common ground, if it exists. In free workshops, Braver Angels teaches the skills needed to have such conversations and, in other free offerings, gives people opportunities to practice those skills. Braver Angels does not seek to change anyone’s viewpoints or values, but rather to change how we treat people with whom we disagree, so we can come together as Americans and establish a foundation for working together to better understand the nature and causes of our problems, do something about them, and encourage politicians to do the same. We the people can do this, if we act.
Hi Frederick, I just posted this letter to the Braver Angels Leaders FB group, so thinking along the same lines! I also wanted to mention to the author of the letter that I have been experiencing this sense of sharpness--almost like shards or fragments--the rapid reactivity of others toward someone with a slightly different opinion. It has been a very strange feeling, so it felt really good to hear someone else articulate it, though I am sorry you are experiencing it! I've felt very isolated, including from family members, as well. It has been helpful for me to participate in some support groups with people going through something similar. One of these is Solid Ground, which is a nonpartisan support community offering drop-in sessions four times a week. You can learn more about it at https://jodishaw.locals.com/. FAIR also has chapters throughout the country plus a lot of resources available at a national level. You might check them out at fairforall. org.
I totally get voting for third parties. Because of my opposition to CoVid policies, I had to vote for people I knew would never get into government because they were the only ones who actually wanted to repeal the requirements. It was the only thing that my conscience would allow.
The hypocrisy and self righteousness at my church was unbearable. One day I heard my fellow choir mate wish for someone to kill Trump. Wow. Right there inside the church. Bananas. After 30 years, I left and found another church.
Bridget 💕 I adore your content and honesty and push-button self-deprecating vibes. I confess I was, in a fit of radical rage in 2017 from someone close to me :blocked and accused: but..... not reported (shout-out barpod). I’ve been liberal and libertarian most of my life and when this happened it brought me closer to you, and other heterodox (is that correct?) content creators and this healthy and healing frame of mind, and everyone else in this orbit. Thank you!!!
Heartbreaking. Especially if politics is coming between her and her husband. My husband actively hates politics, but he agrees with my points, he just says 'we're not meant to carry all of the world's problems on our shoulders' when he sees me on Twitter (he's not wrong). I hope the author of this letter can find an in-person friend to confide in. She's not alone, and I can relate to what she's saying about the church - I attended an expat church in Hanoi, until it too became very political. Fortunately, I had some like-minded friends and family... it sounds like she does not. There are communities that are more in line with her viewpoints, and conservatism. I understand the fear of being considered 'bigoted'. I have barely made an effort to make friends over the past decade, and the ones I have accumulated have been by happenstance. I've seen some quietly retreat once they realise some of my views, and I had some nasty messages during the pandemic (after posting a quite mild meme criticising COVID passports). Tried to always remain friendly and personable, even when disagreeing, yet it was sadly not reciprocated in most cases. I agree that it's pretty grim. I grew up in the UK, where it was the norm to argue over a pint, call eachother some colourful names, then say 'who's getting the next round?'. No hard feelings. It's certainly not the same world today.
I can really relate to this letter, and it deeply touched me. I've got to the point where I now avoid discussing politics, something I used to love doing, but which is now a minefield! Whether it's about Brexit, Donald Trump, immigration, trans rights or even Harry and Meghan, every point of view you express puts you firmly in 2 camps (good/woke/enlightened person versus bad/bigoted/unenlightened person) I'm from the U.K originally, and I find it really disheartening to hear friends say they no longer speak to people who voted Brexit, for example. It was never like this in the past. People had their own political opinions (not usually aired) but it didn't matter whether you were on the left or the right, you could still get on and generally not be hated for it. Now your whole identity and moral fibre seems to be based on what you think about Donald Trump, trans women in sport, or JK Rowling. There is no nuance, either, and you're forced to pick a side. I've never known such polarisation and it makes me feel sad and hopeless, at times.
Hello, fellow Brit! 100% - I am a bonafide 'gammon' and 'knuckle-dragger' that voted for Brexit! Imagine! Seriously, though - you're spot-on.
Hi Mel! I live in Hungary now, and was living there during the whole Brexit period, too. Actually, I was visiting the UK with my family when the vote took place and still remember the collective shock from everyone. Until then, I'd never thought about what it meant to be part of the EU and why people had voted to leave, so I started doing some research. After a while, I started to understand why people had become so disillusioned with the EU. What was shocking to me was just how nasty remainers become to leavers. I have friends in both camps, but the remainers showed a lot of contempt and snobbery to those who had voted for Brexit. Even the MSM clearly took a side, so it's hard to get to the bottom of things.
Hungary? That must be lovely! Yes, I agree with you - the nicer insults were 'they were lied to, and believe what was written on the side of the bus', but definitely a lot of snobbery. Actually, I was in China at the time - the UK made it (and still does) very difficult to move back to the country with a non-EU spouse (my husband is American). I worked with a few Brits then, but was the only one who voted, yet they were devastated by the result at the time. I do have some sympathy for Remainers (or at least until they start insulting me - ha!). In all honesty, I think many have had no meaningful interactions with anyone who voted Brexit. We are all caricatures. The conversations I've managed to have with people, where I have said I voted Leave, have generally been met with surprise, but when I've state why, people have been relatively open minded (at least to my face).
Wow, sounds like you've also travelled a bit! I totally agree, Mel, I heard many remainers making those claims about leavers, yet I remember reading comments from remainers, things like 'I voted remain, because the Daily Mirror told me to (this was in the Daily Mirror!) Or 'I voted remain because my son told me to' There was so much hypocrisy. I think remainers were genuinely unaware of how unhappy many people had become, some of them were just living in a bubble.
“I guess I just think about issues from several angles and all the angles feel like they’re sharp points aimed at me and others right now. When I speak I feel like I’m coming from a place of extreme sadness and defensiveness and I don’t like that about myself.”
This hits hard. I personally lean left on some issues and right on others, and like to think about issues independently of the major political parties and let the chips fall where they may. There’s definitely more Americans who feel this way then would openly admit to it, but you wouldn’t know that from the state of our political discourse. Political polarization is definitely one of the most underrated issues with the country right now. A wise man once said-
“What we have to realize is that we’re Americans, y’know, we’re deeply selfish monsters that have been bred to destroy all life on earth. We have to not lose sight of that message” - Tim Dillon
Thanks for your work. Thanks also for posting this letter and thanks to the writer for sharing. This is hard stuff. For her and others in similar situations, I’d encourage them to take a look at Braver Angels (www.braverangels.org), a grassroots movement 50,000+ strong dedicated to depolarizing our country and ending the division and toxicity that are tearing apart relationships and communities across the country. Braver Angels brings together people of different backgrounds and political perspectives to have respectful conversations that help participants understand one another better, see the humanity in each other, and find common ground, if it exists. In free workshops, Braver Angels teaches the skills needed to have such conversations and, in other free offerings, gives people opportunities to practice those skills. Braver Angels does not seek to change anyone’s viewpoints or values, but rather to change how we treat people with whom we disagree, so we can come together as Americans and establish a foundation for working together to better understand the nature and causes of our problems, do something about them, and encourage politicians to do the same. We the people can do this, if we act.
Hi Frederick, I just posted this letter to the Braver Angels Leaders FB group, so thinking along the same lines! I also wanted to mention to the author of the letter that I have been experiencing this sense of sharpness--almost like shards or fragments--the rapid reactivity of others toward someone with a slightly different opinion. It has been a very strange feeling, so it felt really good to hear someone else articulate it, though I am sorry you are experiencing it! I've felt very isolated, including from family members, as well. It has been helpful for me to participate in some support groups with people going through something similar. One of these is Solid Ground, which is a nonpartisan support community offering drop-in sessions four times a week. You can learn more about it at https://jodishaw.locals.com/. FAIR also has chapters throughout the country plus a lot of resources available at a national level. You might check them out at fairforall. org.
I totally get voting for third parties. Because of my opposition to CoVid policies, I had to vote for people I knew would never get into government because they were the only ones who actually wanted to repeal the requirements. It was the only thing that my conscience would allow.
The hypocrisy and self righteousness at my church was unbearable. One day I heard my fellow choir mate wish for someone to kill Trump. Wow. Right there inside the church. Bananas. After 30 years, I left and found another church.
Hang in there and keep the faith.
Bridget 💕 I adore your content and honesty and push-button self-deprecating vibes. I confess I was, in a fit of radical rage in 2017 from someone close to me :blocked and accused: but..... not reported (shout-out barpod). I’ve been liberal and libertarian most of my life and when this happened it brought me closer to you, and other heterodox (is that correct?) content creators and this healthy and healing frame of mind, and everyone else in this orbit. Thank you!!!
I would be your friend 👍🏼
Heartbreaking. Especially if politics is coming between her and her husband. My husband actively hates politics, but he agrees with my points, he just says 'we're not meant to carry all of the world's problems on our shoulders' when he sees me on Twitter (he's not wrong). I hope the author of this letter can find an in-person friend to confide in. She's not alone, and I can relate to what she's saying about the church - I attended an expat church in Hanoi, until it too became very political. Fortunately, I had some like-minded friends and family... it sounds like she does not. There are communities that are more in line with her viewpoints, and conservatism. I understand the fear of being considered 'bigoted'. I have barely made an effort to make friends over the past decade, and the ones I have accumulated have been by happenstance. I've seen some quietly retreat once they realise some of my views, and I had some nasty messages during the pandemic (after posting a quite mild meme criticising COVID passports). Tried to always remain friendly and personable, even when disagreeing, yet it was sadly not reciprocated in most cases. I agree that it's pretty grim. I grew up in the UK, where it was the norm to argue over a pint, call eachother some colourful names, then say 'who's getting the next round?'. No hard feelings. It's certainly not the same world today.