Politics these days have become so divided and divisive that it’s become the norm to view the other side of the aisle as “the enemy”. People are being told to “pick a side” and that there’s no room for middle ground. We here at Phetasy believe that there are a lot more people in the middle than politicians and the media would have us believe.
We’re collecting stories from the ever growing number of people who are finding themselves Politically Homeless and posting them here on Substack. If you have moved from conservative to liberal, or liberal to conservative, if you feel you’ve stayed in the same place and your party has swerved drastically away from you, if you had a moment that awakened you to the insanity and hypocrisy on both sides, if you keep your mouth shut anytime a political topic comes up because you’re afraid your opinion will cause you to lose friends or your job, you’re not as alone as you might think.
Our goal is to shine a light on people’s earnest, individual experiences and show them they’re not alone.
Some letters have been edited for clarity and brevity. If you’re politically homeless and would like to share your story, please email us at iampoliticallyhomeless@gmail.com. All submissions will remain anonymous.
Letter 81:
January 24, 2024
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve sat down to write this. Too many. For 27 years I was a good, Massachusetts liberal. An obedient, shitposting lib letting everyone know how GOOD I was. I could tell when I pushed buttons of my conservative family members but I didn’t care, because I was RIGHT. And I loved it.
Of course all my friends were of the same ilk- patriarchy smashing, pussy hat wearing, my body my choice shouting feminazis. We circle jerked each other with our constant posting on social media about how BAD America is, how RIGHTEOUS we are in our attempt at liberalizing a beyond repair system of oppression.
Even up to, and through the first year or so of Covid I was like this. As an employee of a Big Name Hospital in Boston, of COURSE I knew what was right, and anyone going against guidelines was a hateful bigot. I was sooo ready to get the vaccine when it became available to hospital employees of my level.
Then I got sick. Not really “sick”, but I was having issues with my reproductive system. I was getting huge ovarian cysts from my birth control nearly every cycle. Around this time studies were coming out about reactions women were having from the Covid vaccine, especially reproductive side effects. So I decided to wait on the vaccine to let my cysts clear up. I got off my birth control, and wanted to see how my body would react before mixing in another medication.
Obviously my friends were going to be first in line for their shots once they became available to them, so I knew I needed to broach this subject with them carefully - explain to them that I WILL get the vaccine, I just need to let my body figure some stuff out first. My body, my choice, right? WRONG. SO WRONG. How could I be so WRONG? How dare I put everyone and their GRANDMOTHER at RISK? I was being SELFISH. Didn’t I KNOW how many of my friends and family I was going to KILL?
Ultimately at the end of our conversation they said what they were supposed to - “You're right it is your body and I hope you get everything figured out with your doctor.” About 15 minutes after our conversation one of them put one of those terrible, stylized factoid sheets on their Instagram stories saying “When people are sick and dying - tell me again how YOUR choice to not get vaccinated only affects YOU” or something to that effect. A story clearly aimed at me. To make me feel bad. To tell me I’m the bad guy.
Then I never heard from either of them again. Not for my birthday. Not on the day of my wedding, when one of them had been making me a garment to wear. Not on the day that the other one got engaged. Never again. It broke me. I’d always struggled to find female friends, so losing these two felt like losing my whole support system. Over what? A stupid shot I bet neither of them get anymore.
For a while I was devastated, and so lonely. Then I got blindingly angry. How could they do this to ME?! I’M ONE OF YOU! Then the guilt set in. I finally realized how I made everyone else feel during my shitlib years. I began to mend fences with people I had ostracized and that felt good, but I still missed my best friends.
Then I finally began to heal. I’m finally at a point where I feel like a human being. I’m still a very soft, lower case L lib, however I’ve been able to challenge my own feelings on things. I realized I have lots of opinions that differ from what my “team” espouses. And I like being able to talk out and unravel how I came to have these feelings, not just feeling them because they were assigned to me.
I’m about 2 years out from the last time I spoke to either of these friends, and I’ve been thinking about them a lot lately. Wondering if they think of me. If they miss my companionship. If they regret not being my friend anymore. If they’re sorry they missed my wedding. If they’ll miss being the aunties to my future (hopefully) children.
I turn 30 this spring so I suppose it's only natural to look back at how I ended up where I am. I do feel lucky to be where I’m at - with my supportive family, loving husband, and new friends I’ve made. Losing them forced me into uncomfortable growth, without which I wouldn’t be who I am today, so for that I am grateful.
I’m a much more complete, complex, and compassionate human being now, something I wish I could share with them. The pain of their loss still lingers, but now it's more of a reminder to be more understanding and compassionate with everyone, especially when I don’t want to be. Still - I can't help but miss those girls, and wonder if they miss me back.
With all the love and compassion we deserve,
Lower case liberal from MA.
Some letters have been edited for clarity and brevity. If you'd like to share your story, email us at iampoliticallyhomeless@gmail.com. All submissions will remain anonymous.
I Was An Obedient Lib Until...