Phetasy News - When In Doubt, Log Out
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Greetings from the Phetaverse!
Since Hamas invaded Israel on October 7th, I’ve been off the beam. The horrific terrorist attacks have been called Israel’s 9/11 and in many ways, I haven’t felt this glued to a news cycle since that fateful day the twin towers came down in 2001. What we didn’t have in a post 9/11 world (thank God) was social media and particularly X-Twitter which moves at the speed of thoughts. I don’t think I could have handled the final videos from people—the voice mail audio recordings were bad enough.
I’m certain I can’t handle the graphic violence and imagery I’ve been consuming since October 7th. It’s the stuff of nightmares only it’s reality, so it’s even worse. Social media, particularly X-Twitter, has felt like an inescapable snuff film. Even if you want to avoid it, so much of it is forced upon your feed and eyeballs without your consent. I go to bed thinking about the hostages—babies and children and elderly. It’s been hard to sleep and I need TV on in the background.
Something in my lizard brain was activated on October 7th—maybe it’s the ancient hatred of the Jews that has now found freedom of expression all over the world—unleashed again. I’ve lost control of my ability to balance bearing witness and not turning away from atrocities—against that icky feeling of rubbernecking. My Lizard Brain isn’t disciplined enough to always stop from clicking “view” on an image with a content warning—and it takes Stoic strength and willpower to turn away.
So weeks have gone by and I’m kind of floating through life, disembodied. I’m present with my daughter and present when it comes time to work—but I’m really just maintaining. Surviving, not thriving. My writer’s block has been so bad, I haven’t even been able to manage a newsletter for the past few weeks (my apologies for that by the way—these events and some of the subsequent reactions to them have left me speechless).
During the haze of the past few weeks in which everything feels petty and trivial compared to what the people of Israel and Palestine are dealing with—I celebrated ten years of sobriety. Although I didn’t really celebrate it. It was more a day that came and went. On the one hand, that’s exactly what sobriety is: one day at a time. On the other hand, ten years without a hangover is a big deal and I should probably take a moment to acknowledge that. The lackluster response I had to this milestone is a big sign to me that I need to get back to basics.
The first step is admitting I have a problem: I’m powerless over the news cycle and my life has become unmanageable. I need to put guardrails around my screen time like a child. When in doubt, log out.
Thumbnail artwork by Lara Cullen.
Email laracullenstudio@gmail.com to inquire or contact her.
First, congrats on 10 years of living sober - that's a big f-cking deal and you have every reason to celebrate it! I'm coming up on 4 years myself (in a month) and while I'm not looking for a parade or a party I do plan to acknowledge it, and more importantly I want to be around other sober friends when I do - sharing my experience, strength and hope with them. I totally agree with logging out, I left Twitter/X a few months back when I realized all I was seeing was either mindless drivel or commentary designed to pick fights. There are far better ways to spend my time. Lastly, congrats on the self-awareness and ability to express where you and how you're feeling - when we're powerless over something and it makes life unmanageable, no matter what it is, the first step towards manageability is acknowledgement and communication. Stay in today, tomorrow will take care of itself.