Phetasy News - Finding Joy In The Midst Of Grief
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Greetings from the Phetaverse!
Despite my desire and intention to have a Summer of Fun, it’s been more like a Summer of Grief. First it was our dear friend, Chris, who passed away unexpectedly at the end of May. This past Sunday, my ex-husband, Mikalai, tragically passed. He leaves behind his brother and father, and his three young boys ages nine, seven, and five. He also leaves behind his second ex-wife, and his girlfriend of the past three years along with her two kids. And then there are the hundreds of friends from his travels and years in the restaurant industry—which is where we met when we were just a coupla crazy kids.
Mikalai lived life to the fullest. He took risks, like moving to a foreign country at age 19 from Belarus, not knowing the language. He taught me so much about this country and all that I take for granted being born American. Seeing the United States through the eyes of a foreigner who lived under an actual dictator—not a fake one—and all of our excess wealth, the endless options in the grocery store…it gave me a different perspective on just how much opportunity there is here. He came here with nothing and got an education, and after years in the restaurant industry, went into real estate. He believed in the American Dream and he lived it.
I realize the irony of including this link to his GoFundMe for medical expenses and his children on the heels of talking about the American Dream. If you can contribute anything, it will help more than you know.
Grief is strange. I’ll go from denial through rage and depression to acceptance and back to denial in the course of twenty minutes. It’s cliche but true—you will be at the grocery store cruising along and the next thing you know, you’re choking back sobs. As I was rocking my daughter to bed the other night, I thought of how many young people I’ve lost since she was born. Beginning with her OBGYN when I was five weeks postpartum, it’s been one loss after another ever since. Death is always hard, but it’s even harder when it’s a young person in the prime of their lives.
In spite of it all, I’m still able to look around and remember the many lessons I learned from Mik. One of them is to be grateful, all the time, for every day. We have so much. He constantly reminded me of that. I can still hear his voice in his thick Russian accent when I was whining about some First World problem, “Bridget what the hell is the matter with you?”
In his honor, and in his spirit, I’m still “determined to embrace the spirit of summer fun. Mischief and laughter and dancing and laughing.” Rest in Peace, Kolya.
Thumbnail artwork by Lara Cullen.
Email laracullenstudio@gmail.com to inquire or contact her.