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Pandora's Inbox
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    Hope to Hear the Truth

    Sex.
    Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex.
    It’s everywhere. Yet no one seems to be comfortable talking about it honestly.

    PHETASY challenges men to mean what they say--
    And women to say what they mean.

    This sex/love column is not here to perpetuate the myths.
    We are here to deconstruct them.

    PHETASY wants to know what makes you tick.
    Send us your questions.
    Pandora@phetasy.com

    Pre-Ex Screening Questionnaire

    My girlfriend runs this site: http://letterstomyexes.com/ (I have yet to post on it--I have to decide who my first victim is going to be--I think it's going to be someone who was never an ex, but I sure wish he was). 

    Ms. Letterstomyexes is the only person I know whose stories rival mine in terms of pure craziness, bizarre coincidences and tragic hilarity.  I say, "this-shit-only-happens-to-me" but, it happens to her too.

    This list was compiled over breakfast as we tried to make sense of our poor taste in men.  Clearly we haven't been asking the right questions. 
    It is based 100% on life experience. 

    WHOROSCOPES: Episode Nine

    Even the Planets Know What A Slut You Are
    Written By
    A Bunch of Dirty Little Harlots

    JUNE
    If you are woman, this month you will regress to your 3rd House of Men Who Don’t Deserve You.  And you will justify it by the fact that all your friends are doing it.  Get your heads out of your asses and get some self-esteem!!!  How many times do you have to learn this lesson, ladies?  NEVER give a man more than a 2nd chance.  Ever. Unless they met you in the last 20 minutes, consider yourself the one that got away.

    WHOROSCOPES: Episode Eight

    Even the Planets Know What A Slut You Are
    Written By
    A Bunch of Dirty Little Harlots

    If your birthday is June 8th: A little white pomeranian puppy will unleash a terror within you such as you've never known. As you run away screaming - darting like a mouse - and repeatedly glancing over your shoulder, you will run directly into a tree. This month, try not to drown yourself in a glass of water.

    WHOROSCOPES: Episode Seven

    Even the Planets Know What A Slut You Are
    Written By
    A Bunch of Dirty Little Harlots

    If your birthday is tomorrow: You’ll be haunted by the scent of a man this month and you will learn an important lesson: a decomposing corpse doesn’t keep forever in the fridge.

    WHOROSCOPES: Episode Six

    Even the Planets Know What A Slut You Are
    Written By
    A Bunch of Dirty Little Harlots

    If your birthday is July 17th: Your mother spent the last 17 days of your gestation bitching and moaning about how much she was over the whole “pregnancy thing” and just “wanted a fuckin’ drink."


    WHOROSCOPES: Episode Five

    Even the Planets Know What A Slut You Are
    Written By
    A Bunch of Dirty Little Harlots

    If your birthday is December 25th: You might be Jesus.

    WHOROSCOPES: Episode Four

    Even the Planets Know What A Slut You Are
    Written By
    A Bunch of Dirty Little Harlots

    If your birthday is May 17: You will face an ugly truth, make some hard decisions, suffer some consequences and tell a few lies this month.

    WHOROSCOPES: Episode Three

    Even the Planets Know What A Slut You Are
    Written By
    A Bunch of Dirty Little Harlots

    If you birthday is January 7th: That probably means you were adopted. Sounds like someone got a belated X-mas present or left a smelly baby at a party on New Year's Eve. Babies are expensive and loud, though some women like to dress them up like dolls. If you know what's good for you, don't be making babies anytime soon, traffic's bad enough without you adding another nimrod to the equation. And about that whole adoption thing, it's cool. Be happy with the parents you have because I've seen your real ones, and man, once they get out of prison, I hope they don't hunt you down.

    WHOROSCOPES: Episode Two

    Even the Planets Know What A Slut You Are
    Written By
    A Bunch of Dirty Little Harlots

    If your birthday is December 14: The sun’s rays will be particularly strong for you this month. Exposure to direct sunlight could result in third-degree burns. Don’t set foot outside your house without your Biohazard Suit and an parasol. Special goggles are also recommended to avoid having your retinas burned out of their sockets.

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