I don't know much of anything, but.....

I know that life is tough for pretty much all species struggling on this blue planet. I am merely a grain of sand passing through. But oh! To make the most of it!!!

Adding to the current state of hilarity my life seems to be in...my tire blew out Monday and now I'm car-less. I feel like God is just putting me in one place and forcing me to write. Jobless. Car-less. Money-less. Yet strangely....not worried. Just forced to get creative. I'm in some kind of cosmic vortex right now and I've decided (well, I really don't have any other options) to just go with the flow. Throughout my life when the going gets tough, there is only one place I've turned that has consistently saved me. Writing.

So I've been writing. And reading. And meditating. Yoga has helped a lot. I spent the Fourth alone, reading and writing and engaging in my newest obsession: story-boarding.

When I work on my ideas nothing else matters. None of the fears. None of the psychological garbage. If I am producing, I am as close to content as I probably will ever be. Creating does not equal happiness. Far from it I've decided. But it does help lead me to some kind of peace of mind. Some moments free from the restless, tormenting, judgmental race of my mind as it battles the barrage of ideas begging to be born as they flow through me.
Lately I feel more like a channel than the actual creator.
Lately things are just being dictated to me.

If I am working towards ridding my brain of one of the many ideas cluttering it, torturing me, haunting me, chasing me in my dreams, looming over my days, then I don't care what is going on around me. And I resent anything that takes me away from that process. The bills, the worries....it all disappears. So I turn to that now because I have nothing else. Pretty cool not having a car for a while here actually. Really cool not having a job. Again it has forced the creative juices to flow....

Here is what I am learning: Transformation is painful, but change is where freedom truly lies. Follow your heart. Don't hesitate. Be brave. Believe in your dreams. Follow them. And never, EVER give up on your Self. Even when you don't know who the hell you are or what you are becoming. Just walk the walk. Trust your gut. Trust life. Learn from death. And most importantly, always, ALWAYS, be grateful.

"Deep inside the human soul,
in its deepest recesses,
lies the secret of resurrection.
It must be excavated."
-Octavio Paz