The Notorious BFG

THE NOTORIOUS BFG

This column is a culmination of many events. Where to begin? First and foremost, I’d like to thank the thirty or so Walloon families that settled what would become present day New York City on the shores of the Hudson River around 1624. Way to go. Lets also give it up to Dutch settler Peter Minuit, who created New Amsterdam when he bought Manhattan Island from the Algonquin Indians for some glass beads, a mirror, and a Dwight Evans rookie card. Good looking out dude.

I’d also like to thank the civic-minded members of the old merchant aristocracy who pressed for a public park in 1857. The result of an open design competition, Central Park became the first landscaped park in an American city. Nice job, old merchant aristocracy. That park is pretty cool.

Last but not least, I’d like to thank The Big Guy. Just for being You (pointing skywards).

Articles by this Member

The Half King of Pop

By The Notorious BFG
Published 12.04.06
The New New Yorker

On the way home from work the other day, a woman on my subway car was playing a strange musical instrument. I can best describe it as some kind of mouth-keytar. It had little piano keys, and inexplicably, she was holding it to her mouth and blowing.

Of course, it sounded terrible. She whipped-out a bone chilling rendition of La Cucaracha and then walked around holding out her hat in an “I just performed for you, pay up deadbeat,” kinda way. When the train stopped, she proceeded to the next car to - I assume - repeat the process.

The Whackout of '06

By The Notorious BFG
Published 09.15.06
The New New Yorker

“Do you mind if I quote you?”
“What?”
“Can I quote you?”
“Why would you want to call me?”

So begins my stint as a fake journalist.

Ehhh....Is This What You Want?

By The Notorious BFG
Published 06.16.06
The New New Yorker

My goal in writing this column is to relay random NYC thoughts. Thus far, I’ve told of my experiences fish-out-of-water style. However, I have neglected to describe the fish. It dawned on me that I was simply writing these articles for my inner circle; my friends who know me well (for better or worse). At this point others are probably thinking, “Who is this douche and why am I reading this?” So now its time to peel the onion; I’m going to give you a glimpse of the man in my mirror. As to why you’re reading this, I’m not sure either.

Unsolved Mysteries 179th St

By The Notorious BFG
Published 05.03.06
The New New Yorker

You know it’s been an interesting night when you wake up at 179th street.
Contacts dry, neck sore and somewhat delusional, my first instinct was to reach for my wallet. The wallet freak-out is a nothing new for me. Five minutes after buying groceries I’ll usually experience an involuntary “did I put it back in my pocket?”

Isnt it Quixotic

By The Notorious BFG
Published 04.03.06
The New New Yorker

This morning, while exiting the subway station, a woman offered me a flyer that I dutifully accepted. Normally, I avoid these handouts like the plague, but this particular hippie had skills. She employed the universal information-peddling code of success:

Saved by Supermans Girlfriend

By The Notorious BFG
Published 03.03.06
The New New Yorker

I have lived in New York City for just over three months. I would love to say that I’ve embraced New York the way I thought I would - or that this city, in all its glory, has embraced me in some significant way. What I’m saying is that I didn’t move to the center of the universe just to join the rat race. I figured that with my track record, my city life would evolve in a random, utterly ridiculous way.