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MIAMI INK: Part One: Back-Story: The Facts |
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Part One: Back Story: The Facts
LIFE
About a year and a half ago, I get the idea in my head that I want to make fun of the idea of “branding myself.” I decide that when the time is right, I will grab a video camera, go get a tattoo of my logo and then post the video on my website. Ha ha ha. Look at me! I'm branding myself! I launch my website in February 2006 and shortly thereafter decide to take my company “on tour.”
It all begins down in Florida peddling t-shirts up and down the beach during Spring Break. I am at a bar in Ft. Lauderdale when I see postcards littering the establishment reading: Want a tattoo? Have a story to tell? Want to be on television?
Miami Ink, the popular reality show on The Learning Channel, is casting. It seems too serendipitous to not try to get on the show since I am planning to get the tattoo anyway, and I realize it is a great opportunity to explain the PHETASY PHILOSOPHY to a lot of people at once.
Some people say "Why?"
I say, "Why not?"
So I go online and apply. Nothing too extravagant--I just have to upload an image of the design for the tattoo, a picture of myself, talk briefly about why I want the tattoo, where I want it and what it represents to me. I hit ‘send’ and forget all about it.
Fast-forward a month and a half. It is now April. I am in California and it is the day before my cousin and I head to the desert to help our buddy with Global Inheritance out at the Coachella music festival. My phone rings. It’s Miami Ink. They are interested…want to know more….blah blah blah. We briefly talk and they tell me to send a video of myself elaborating on the symbolism of the tattoo, the word PHETASY, the philosophy behind it, the PHETASY TOUR and the idea of making fun of branding myself. Sure…no problem. Whatever.
Fast-forward another long, grueling, exhausting, enlightening, sanity-pushing 3 months, 3 music festivals, 11 states, 10,000 miles in my car and a one-way ticket to Crazytown. I realize that during all that time on the road, I never had a chance to make the video. I figure being that it is already June, it is probably too late to even send one. I call casting and as it turns out--it isn’t. So, sitting on the deck of a river-cabin somewhere in the Ozarks in Missouri, I make my little video, send it off and again completely forget all about it.
It is late August when I hear from casting again. I am being considered for the show. However, they are unable to blatantly promote PHETASY. I can talk about what I sell, what the logo represents, the definition of the word PHETASY and my vision that rests beneath it all. Since this is a company that is based on a philosophy first and selling a product second, I don’t care about whether or not I can blatantly promote the company; the message is what matters to me. So I agree to proceed.
It turns out there are some other things that can prevent me from being cast for the show. Now this is important, so pay attention. One of the casting directors* explains in an email to me: “Although I love you and your story, the simplicity of the tattoo may be a deterrent to the director.”
Thus starts an interaction between the casting director and myself regarding the nature of my tattoo. Below are some excerpts from our email exchange. Pay attention readers. This stuff is extremely important to Part Two:
Bridget: Ha ha, and that's funny the simplicity of the design may be the deterrent...because my tattoo visually represents "the union that comes from the tension of the opposites." The tattoo is simple. My story is not. It's a perfect expression of a "phetasy."
Miami Ink: The tattoo itself may or may not be a deterrent... It's not a simple tattoo to do...it's actually quite challenging because of the geometric nature of the shapes. They require a steady hand. It borders on tribal, which ordinarily we don't feature.”
Bridget: Just out of curiosity...why don't you normally feature tribal?
Miami Ink: Cause the guys don't like doing them. They are relatively simplistic, all black, easier to do, cover mistakes, etc. Especially those that are random...unlike yours which is difficult because of the shapes. They like to do more challenging art. (my emphasis added)
They tell me they will be in touch. Miami Ink takes the month of September off from production, as do all of the tattoo artists. Toward the end of September, they call and book me for the show. They let me know about 1 business week before the day they want me there. I am to get my logo, OON, tattooed on my pelvis on Monday, October 9, Columbus Day.
Because neither Original Media (the producers of Miami Ink), nor The Learning Channel--or anyone else involved in the production of this show for that matter--pick up the cost for anything, I have to send them a $100 dollar deposit, book a $200 dollar flight and give them the money for my tattoo (in my case $500) in cash the day of the taping. There is even a clause in the contract that says that if for some reason there are “schedule changes,” Miami Ink is not liable for refunding my traveling expenses.
All I can say is, thank God I have friends in Ft. Lauderdale who pick me up, take me out, put me up in their condo and let me borrow their car to get to Miami or I would have been even more infuriated during what goes down on the day of the show.
What goes down the day of the show? Complete and utter chaos. Reality television anarchy. Theater of the absurd. A double irony. A moment that reveals the uncomfortable truth within the comfortable lie. Divine sarcasm. (I swear I hear God laughing.) In other words, what happens in that tattoo shop on October 9th is the perfect demonstration of the definition of the word PHETASY; and as it always works out with a PHETASY in life--I don’t even see it coming.
*Disclaimer: Other than the "stars" of the show, all other persons mentioned in this series will remain anonymous because I love everyone on the production side--they know who they are. They were all nothing but kind, professional, hard-working, good people who don't deserve to have all of their hard work and valuable time be at the mercy of a few arrogant, sloppy, lazy, moody, selfish d-bags who hide their incompetence behind the guise of calling themselves an "artist."
Article Series
This article is part 1 of a 4 part series. Other articles in this series are shown below:
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MIAMI INK: Part One: Back-Story: The Facts
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MIAMI INK: Part Two: Characters: The Personalities
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MIAMI INK: Part Three: Action: The Twist
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MIAMI INK: Part Four: Resolution: The Confessional
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