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Go Big and Have to Go Home |
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Go Big and Have to Go Home
This blog is going to be long one. We have some catching up to do. Since we have been back and forth between Miami and Fort Lauderdale for the past week, our web service has been pretty sporadic. Lemmee tell ya…promoting a new business ain’t easy. The days are filled with peddling and hustling. The nights are filled with promotion and sticker rampages. All in all it has been a giant, exhausting, learning experience.
First of all, a giant shout out and thanks to all the people who have bought shirts so far. You guys rule. Tell your friends. Secondly, a giant thanks to Gordy for putting up with the unexpected PHETASY entourage that has grown from just two to four in a short week.
Last Tuesday night, our gracious host rallied us together for a tour of the U of M dive bar experience. It was one of the more enjoyable experiences thus far. I don’t think a single person we came in contact with left without a phetasy sticker somewhere on their body. Big ups to the two girls from the U of M tennis team for being the coolest chicks we’ve met on our journey. You ladies single-handedly redeemed all the other women in the city. You know who you are.
A few other key notes from the nights festivities.
- You know you’ve made it as a reggae artist when you have nothing but beautiful college girls dancing in front of your mic. Well played guys.
- It would help if the lead singer of your cover band knew the lyrics to “Smells Like Teen Spirit” and wasn’t a forty year old Mexican dude with long hair.
- More men have longer hair than not.
- Bridget dominated the Ms. Pac Man game and rocked out to punk rock until she got blisters.
Wednesday we headed to Fort Lauderdale to see our good friend Matt. He pretty much has the roughest life of anyone we know. As far as we can see, it’s nothing short of hell. Days at the beach, (he’s so tan he looks native), nights working with beautiful women –and he does this year round. Poor bastard. Everyone say a prayer for Matt.
You know you’re in Fort Lauderdale when:
-You feel like you are in a movie from the fifties.
-The old people on the beach look like overcooked baked-potatoes.
-The Good Year blimp flies over the patio where you are staying
-You find yourself jamming out to a cover band doing a rendition of the Beach Boys “Kokomo” only Kokomo has been replaced with cameltoe. Use your imagination for the rest of the lyrics.
-The cooler to college student ratio is 1:3.
-You attend a Ho Down where lots of white people line-dance to rap music.
Hoes Down – Wednesday Night
Somewhere in the outskirts of Fort Lauderdale, in the middle of a mini-mall parking lot at a bar called Round Up, every Wednesday is a parade of hot, tanned women and buffed-out cowboys in full attire. They gather…to line dance. We had no idea cowboy hats were so popular in Florida, and that putting a sticker on one is punishable by crucifixion. There is really no way to explain this place. It was completely unlike any other bar experience I’ve ever had. These people were good at line dancing. There was no messing around. Learn the dance or go home.
Thursday Night—Carnivale at Mynt.
We just can’t get enough of this place. You know you’re having a good time Miami-style when you are dancing on a couch getting groped by a Brazilian. The guy who owns Mynt knows how to throw a fucking party, I’ll give him that. The Brazilian drummers were a nice touch. So were the dancers in full Carnivale attire. So were the other random hotties dancing everywhere on the bars.
Miami is all about the big pimpin’ and money flashin’. This is evident in the extremely common, overt displays of lavish spending. At Mynt, a magnum of Vueve Cliquot, (which you can get from your bartender friend wholesale for sixty bucks) is $2,000. And not only does everyone know that, they know exactly who is ordering it because they come out with a fucking sparkler on the top. To the owner of Mynt, I give you crazy props for capitalizing on all the rich dudes dying to show off their money. Now here’s a guy who knows how to milk Miami.
The weekend was spent back and forth between Miami and Fort Lauderdale. All the girls going wild are arriving and sales and the temperature are heating up. Monday is almost here and with it, all my great friends and co-captains who have been down here helping will be taking off back to their respective lives. I for some reason can't stop crying. The journey is daunting when facing it alone. Glad you could make the trip guys and thanks for supporting me. I am going to miss you more than you know.
Article Series
This article is part 4 of a 4 part series. Other articles in this series are shown below:
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We Made It
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Miami Nice: Go Big or Go Home
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Payin' Dues
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Go Big and Have to Go Home
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