First Quarter Check In

ProBlo: #2

I find this time of year to be a tough one.   It’s like everyone has postpartum putting-one-foot-in-front-of-the-other syndrome.  This is when I find that everyone gets what I dub “the fuck-its” and gives up on their New Years Resolutions.  The yoga classes thin out, the gym isn’t as crowded…I can understand this attitude.

I’m a perfectionist, with an “all-or-nothing” mentality to a fault and often instead of modifying a goal, I will just give up completely and resort to internally calling myself a loser and self-destructing.  I’m trying not to do that this year.  But that requires changing the way I do everything.  Let me tell, if there is anything that’s exhausting and time-consuming, it’s waging a constant battle against myself and my bad habits--all day, every day.

So, it’s time for a check-in; a Phetasy personal inventory if you will.  I generally make yearly goals and then break those goals down into quarterly goals to make them a bit more doable.  About halfway through each quarter, I check in to see how I’m doing on said goals and readjust accordingly.  Often goals that seemed manageable prove to be unrealistic and I have to be honest about that.  Let’s refer back to the Phetasy Resolutions to see what I’ve committed to:

Daily “Recent News”: Check.  I’ve been on this one.  Sometimes I find that I get a bit more personal than I would like, but it is what it is & I have been diligent about posting on the Phetasy Homepage everyday.

Weekly Column:  This is a tough discipline because I don’t get paid to write and I have to make a living.  At the end of the day, I often feel too tired or blocked to write a single word other than, “Fuck. This.”  I’ve had a hard time finishing anything lately, not to mention feeling frustrated at the lack of time I am able to devote to the only thing I want to do all day, write.  But no excuse. 

I have about 5 blogumns in various stages of evolution—but none of them are finished.   I then go around and around in my mind, beating myself up for being inconsistent & unable to keep the promises I make not only to my 2 readers, but to myself.  This act of self-flagellation is useless and defeating.  By my calculations, I am 4 blogumns behind schedule.  Consider this one of them.  I have a least 2 almost done and 2 inside me begging to come out.  I’m determined to catch up. Since I actually have some time to myself, we’ll see where we are at by the end of this weekend.  Prepare to be buried in material.

Monthly "Whoroscopes": I got February.  I’m late on March.  But I figure if it’s up by the 15th, I’m still good.  I’m planning on finishing this one over the weekend and having it up by Monday.  We shall see if that actually occurs.  I inadvertently added to this goal by committing myself to a Daily Whoroscope on Twitter.  Although this discipline can be annoying and a total bitch to come up with, it’s good for me and shockingly, I think I’ve only missed 1 or 2 since February 1st. 

Quarterly "Casting Couch Confessions": Got it this quarter.  I’m in talks with my resident Young Starlet to write on for the next quarter. This one is kind of out of my hands, but she seems committed to the idea.

Quarterly "THEM Monthly":  I might be biting off more than I can chew with this goal.  I’m going to see if I can get an interview and some pictures in before the end of March, but if I let anything slide, it’s probably going to have to be this segment.  I swear I need a team of people working for me.

Quarterly PHETASY Production: Wow.  A goal I actually finished BEFORE the deadline. I got a bit ahead of myself and released the production in February.  We shot “Pillow Fight” in a day and edited it in a week.  Realizing the ease with which we can produce these shorts was a revelation to me because I have about 50 more where these sketches came from.  Expect this goal to be met and then some.

Other Projects In Various States of Development:

Video: I've shot some stuff, but I am still having a hard time getting over my self-loathing in order to post it.  Rome wasn't built in a day and apparently, neither was my self-esteem.

“HYPE”: This project is a bitch of a beast of a bear.  I am just starting the process of going through and logging the video.  I really had no idea what I was getting myself into when I decided to shoot a mock reality show and then organize it into something coherent.  Still have no idea when this will be released...but hopefully, it will be before The End of Days.

So far I’m doing alright in Q1.  I’d give myself a C+.  My biggest struggle is with the Weekly Blogumn.  I’m still not sure if this is an unrealistic goal or if my life has just been too busy with all the Boring Grown Up Stuff I try to bang out in the First Quarter (taxes, dentist, yearly physical, etc…) and I'm not disciplined enough in my writing.  I am going to see if I can catch up and keep up before I make any real adjustments to this one...but otherwise, steady as she goes.