Phetasy 2011 Resolutions

ProBlo: #1

Consistency is the name of the game around here this year.  It would stand to reason that as I start to find a rhythm in my own life, I will find one on Phetasy as well.  Reason and I generally haven’t got on too well, so we’ll see if this theory actually holds up.

Taking a cue from our Commander-In-Chief, I am all about transparency;  I want to be open about exactly what we are hatching here at the Pheta and what our goals are.  That way, you can better mock me for being overly ambitious and having a delusional sense of time. 

No matter…this is what you can be expecting from Phetasy in 2011.  I will expect nothing from you other than holding me to it.

Daily “Recent News”:  The homepage has long been the spot where I am the most open about what is going on in my daily life and where my 2 die-hard fans know to go if they’re curious about my current state of mind.  This is because no one checks it, no one can comment on it, I don’t ever link directly to it from Facebook and things can appear and disappear on a whim.  The Recent News is a free-for-all.  As long as Phetasy has been a website, it has been used to blast quotes or songs that speak to me into the ether, link to the newest article, tell a behind-the-scenes story or rant about something irking me.  Another little known fact is that I ALWAYS link the articles and features on the homepage about 12 hours before the people of Facebook ever find out.  This year, I intend to wake up and post here every day.

Weekly Column:  I loved/hated the pressure of writing my weekly column Gephyrophobia for my small town paper back in 2005.  I did it for 20 weeks and the discipline was good for me, despite the fact that I got angry Letters to the Editor telling me to leave town.  Since I’m too lazy to go looking for a job doing this for some other website or publication, I have to put this deadline upon myself.  So, I guarantee a column every Friday.  I can’t guarantee you’ll like it.

Monthly “Whoroscopes”:  I know, I know…I’ve tried/vowed/pledged/promised to do this before, but I am DETERMINED to make it happen this year.  In theory, because they can be so free-form and out there, I use Whoroscopes as a writing warm-up to whatever project I’m working on.  So if I’m not writing my Whoroscopes, I’m not doing my warm-ups, which means I’m not writing enough.  Get your monthly Whoroscopes beginning February.

Quarterly “Casting Couch Confessions”:  A lot of my friends are stars, starlets or stars-in-the-making.  They have been banging the doors down in this town collectively for decades and their stories of auditioning are some of the most priceless tales ever to be told.  Expect at least one Casting Couch Confession per Quarter.  A new one drops next week.

Quarterly “THEM Monthly”:  I know tons of cool people doing loads of unrecognized, cool shit.  I’ve always dreamed of doing this on a monthly basis, but until I have a team of writers working for me, I’m afraid I’m going to have to settle for a quarterly report from the common man.  THEM Monthly (Quarterly) will either be an interview with one specific person, or a photo spread from a cross section of humanity.  Expect one of these coming your way in March.

Quarterly PHETASY Production: Cousin Maggie and I have big dreams of following in the footsteps of the Coen Brothers.  We have worked as team ("Retards Galore") for almost a decade and we’re just getting ramped up.  One of our goals this year is to start writing, shooting, starring in and producing at least one sketch per quarter.  Coming March.

Other Projects In Various States of Development:

Video:  If you think I have a lot of writing, you have no IDEA the hours upon hours of video that I am sitting on.  For the past 4 years I’ve had a Flip Video and haven’t been afraid to use it.  I have however, been afraid to post it, mostly because I hate my voice, I think I’m ugly and most of the time I sound like an idiot.  This year I promise to try to get over all this vain, insecure bullshit in order to better entertain the masses.  As we start to categorize and go through this stuff, we will be releasing some of it in bits and pieces.  I’m not making any promises about when and how right now, just know it’s coming.  And once it starts, I highly doubt there will be an end to it.

“HYPE”:  Our mock reality show.  This is a BEAST of a project, but Maggie and I are not afraid to climb this mountain.  Q1 will consist of us going though endless hours of video and laughing our asses off.  Once it’s categorized and organized, I will have a better idea of the big picture and we can get to editing the final product.  Again, everything I set out to do takes twice as long and three times as much money, so, I’m not making any promises as to when this show will actually be released, but I’m shooting for a Summer of 2011 Premiere.

Let’s start here for Q1 and see how it goes. I will constantly be tweaking this process, but I like to think that if I can sit my ass in this chair and not squander my precious writing time, I can hit these marks.  I guess we’ll evaluate how it all went in the next production blog.  Until then...I wish you good luck and God speed you on your own quests this year.  Whatever they might be…