In Gratitude

Dear Phetasy,

It’s Thanksgiving again.  My favorite holiday because it’s a holiday devoted entirely to food and being grateful, two of my favorite things in the world.
 
I feel lucky because I’ve never had a hard time finding things to be thankful for--maybe I’ve spent thousands of lifetimes in poverty or something--but for some reason I honestly do spend most of my day in gratitude.   I am not kidding when I say that every hot shower I take, every meal I am blessed enough to eat, every sunset I am allowed to witness…I find myself looking up and saying “thank you thank you thank you” to the heavens. It seems to be the running mantra in my head.  This year I would like to take it to another level and have it be the running mantra for every breath, every heartbeat, every caress, every tender word from someone I love, every bird I hear chirp, every laugh I share with my best friends, every sigh, every healthy relative, every moment I am given, every second of every day I should like to be thanking my lucky fuckin’ stars.

So often we take these things for granted in our never-ending quest for “more”.  We forget that our eyesight, our hearing, our legs, our brains, our health, our friends, our family…all of these things are fleeting and precious and nothing but a gift.  Our bodies, our lives, they are all merely on loan.  These are the big things I try never to forget.  There are so many little ones.

But the even harder part to the practice of gratitude is being able to say thank you not just for our blessings, but for our challenges.  For our sorrows.  For our troubles.  For the stoplights that for all we know, are slowing us down to avoid an accident…  For the grievances that without which we would have no opportunity to practice forgiveness.  For the heartache that is the agonizing shadow cast by true love.

Without struggle, there is no growth.  Without sin, no redemption.  Without collapse, no Phoenix rising out of the ash.  Without loss, no comeback.  Without despair, no determination to go on.  Without clouds, there are no silver linings.

We are complex little organisms, forged in the fire of our experience.   However it is our choices that make us who we are.  We must choose happiness at all costs and spread joy wherever we can.  These moments are fleeting and without mortality, there is no eternal now.

Make the most of this moment, of every moment. Play with your kids.  Thank your parents.  Enjoy a sunset.  Cuddle with your dog.  Grab your true love and kiss them passionately.  And if for whatever reason you can’t be with them, have lost them or haven’t found them yet…be grateful you have them, wherever they are; be happy you were blessed to ever even experience true love at all; or get excited, because that heady, intoxicating love-at-first-sight could be waiting around the corner, just one moment away.

Unfortunately, we’re humans, and it usually isn’t until something or someone is gone that we’ve realized what we lost.  This Thanksgiving let’s all try to appreciate everything we have in this moment, good and bad, because no matter who or what we have or don’t have, it’s the simple fact that we have another moment at all that truly matters.


P.S.  In the midst of trying to post this, of course, in yet another perfect example of what a “phetasy” is, you crashed, Phetasy.  I couldn’t login, all the categories magically emptied themselves of their contents and just as you were there one moment, you disappeared the next.

So, another thing I’d like to take a moment to be grateful for, is you dearest Phetasy.  And for not crashing today of all days. You have been my outlet for the past 5 years,  and without you I would probably be sitting in a padded room wearing a straitjacket. 

Thank you to my brilliant web designers Kevin and Chris Treman and my truly inspired graphic designer, Jon Estrella.  This site would not exist without your efforts, your brilliance, your patience and your faith in me.

My little corner of the interweb has come at a high price and nearly cost me everything I love and some of the people closest to me, but at the end of the day Phetasy, you saved my life.  Thank you.