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What War Was That, Quentin?

  • By Bridget Phetasy
  • Published 03.09.09
  • Captains Blog

Bridget Phetasy


View all articles by Bridget Phetasy
Dearest Quentin,

I recently watched the preview for your forthcoming new movie, Inglorious Basterds and, other than Brangelina’s annoying accent (which I doubt I’ll be able to sit through an entire movie listening to) there was one thing about this trailer that really went up my ass sideways:


I found this statement particularly amusing:
“You haven’t seen war/until you seen it through the eyes/of Quentin Tarantino.”

Oh really, Quentin?  What war was that?  The Hollywood Video vs. Blockbuster Video War of ’97?  

Or was it the Great Battle of the Strippers vs. the Hookers ‘00.  We lost a lot of good hookers that year, didn’t we?  Turns out, ecstasy isn’t the best drug to feed your soldiers after all!  I bet those coked-up strippers were a lot stronger than they looked!

Or perhaps you’re referring to the ongoing fracas between Foot Fetishists and Uma Thurman Stalkers.  

Whatever war was yours, Quentin, just because you put a lot of blood and gore in your movies, doesn’t mean you know shit about what it’s like to be in battle.  And I’m pretty sure I speak for soldiers everywhere when I say: You haven’t seen war, until YOU’VE SEEN WAR. 

But what do I know?  You’re probably right, Quentin.  We haven’t seen war--until we’ve seen it through the eyes of a jacked-up, strung-out, crazy director probably getting his dick sucked.

Right. 
Now.

I'm sure troops everywhere can appreciate your perspective.

Sincerely,
Bridge

P.S.  I still love you, think you’re a genius and keep up the good work, ya’ jackass!

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