No Going Back

No Going Back

We all make choices that are life changing. Some of those choices can be labeled as “good”, some as “bad.” But the majority of the decisions we make are small, daily ones, that seem to have no consequence at all in the present and can’t be given any kind of specific label, however they all add up to what becomes our life. And then there are the decisions you make where there is no going back.

This decision to take my company on tour was based more on a gut instinct and a dream, than anything else that might be considered rational. Oh sure, I have come up with many rational reasons to since justify this decision, but the choice was made long before the reasons were there. I think this is honestly the way most decisions are made whether we realize it or not.

The problem with decisions is that there are always so many other factors and opinions that play into them. Add that to the fact that we live in a society that teaches us not to trust our Self. You know what I mean by “Self”—it is that little voice inside of you that drives your passions and fuels your creativity that many of us consistently and adamantly ignore.

Somewhere along the way, the whole human race has learned not to trust an animal’s most valuable asset—it’s instinct. As it is, everyone and everything around us supposedly knows what is better for us than we ourselves do; our parents, our teachers, the media, the government, the church, infomercials, all claim to have the answers we seek. Not many people tell us that the answers we seek lie within. The people who have had the balls to say it are usually shot, jailed or crucified. All these different institutions are engaged in a constant battle for our attention, using any means possible to get their message across. The most common method these institutions use is undermining your faith in your self. If they can succeed in making you feel doubt and fear, then they can easily fill those voids with their rhetoric and supposed answers. With all the competing messages, no wonder we lose track of the difference between what we really want and what we are told we should want.

Not everything we do makes sense. Not all of the decisions we make are necessarily logical to ourselves or the people who care about us. But at the end of the day, the only person who is going to have to ultimately live with the decisions—is you. Unless you have a family of your own, you are the only person you should be taking into consideration when you make them. You are not doing your loved ones any services by ignoring your inner calling. You are not doing the world any favors by denying your Self and pretending you are someone you are not. What your loved ones want for you is your happiness, but unfortunately they don’t always agree with your idea of what happiness is. We should all be more tolerant of one another and have compassion for why it is we do the things we do. We’re all just trying to get by, as happily as we can.

When I live my life fearlessly, there is no going back on any of the decisions I make. And these are the decisions in life that are worth making; the ones where everything is on the line and the only thing you can trust is that somewhere, deep down inside, you know what you are doing—even if it isn’t clear.

On the other hand, I’ve noticed that when I do make a decision and then go back on it because I have allowed fear, doubt or the opinions of others cloud my vision, nothing but disaster ensues. Because we cannot sell our Self out. The Self will always win. The Self will always fight if you are not true to it. The Self will always rage when you are a pussy and give into that doubt. Just ask your reflection.

I am filled with doubt today. I am filled with fear. I have lost my co-captain. My friends are gone. A journey that started with two turned into five and is now down to one. Me. Luckily, my good friend J who is on a similar quest from which you cannot turn back, called me from Israel and gave me the perfect reminder. He said, “If there is no doubt, it isn’t real. All things worth doing come with doubt. The trick is to overcome it.” And it’s true because when it is all said and done, the doubt I feel, the doubt I have now that I am pursuing my dreams, my destiny, my passions and realize that there is no going back, is better than the doubt I would have if I had never done any of this. “No going back” is a scary place to be… but anything is better than never getting started.